Ramblings, Energy and Belief in Dreams

I have been thinking a lot these days about energy.  More specifically how energy is drained, received, how it can be "stolen" from you, or "given" to you.  Lately, and I am not sure if this is due to some odd moon cycle or whether it is a seasonal change, but regardless I have been doing a lot of "soul-searching" if you will.  I find I am not happy; I am also not miserable; sobbing every day starting with breakfast (wouldn't it be hard to eat while sobbing little driblets of salty tears and snot into your bowl of Kashi cereal??) Anyhow, lately I find that my energy is being sucked out and replaced with other's negative rants, raves, feelings, you name it.


So I have decided to remove myself from those who drag my sunshine flavoured energy out of me and concentrate on me, making me happy, being positive, setting and achieving goals. I realized over the last few months that something needs to change, I feel my aura is not its usual and it is beginning to seep into all aspects of my life; work, friendships, family life, my love life and even into my financial life.


I realized shortly after Gramp's death, that I need to concentrate on me, on getting my Zen energy back. It seems that the last few years, my soul has slowly been sucked dry of all my youthful passion, my normal wild imagination and zestful creativity slowly seeping out the seams, until I woke up recently to discover it was gone.

So upon much soul searching over many introspective days and nights, I have decided to once again spend more time writing, reading and taking long walks gazing at all the trees and flowers and animals again. I will spend more time laughing with friends instead of worrying about foes, and will spend more time creating a home rather than trying to hold up the ship at work.


This year, my 28^th year is about me. Me alone, me as a friend, me as a sister and a daughter, me. Somehow, someway this year, I will see my dreams start to come to fruition.