Quick Note About Our Dear Friend Corn on the Cob

So no matter how you eat it, no how matter how hard you try to be clean, not drip, keep the spaces between your teeth free and clear, with no spit spraying out of your mouth with every bite; no matter how hard you try, it is never eloquent eating corn on the cob.

But it sure tastes great =)

So I figure It’s better to be me ...

So I figure it's better to be me today than the guy who had to walk to get milk. Yup, nothing like walking to get some milk, from an actual cow, well an owner of a cow as cows somehow have not figured out how to sell themselves yet, go figure! (Italics mean sarcasm in this post from now on. Get it? It's pretty hard eh) and to think they're actually worshipped in some places? Moo-ya! Anyhow, it's nothing like walking to get milk down some desert road in let's say some little war-torn religiously run country called Iraqhanistan and boom you get hit by a small missile. Now you see, even though it's small it still kills you cause it's large when you really look at it, just small for missiles and f*ck me if there aren't some big-as$ missiles out there! Yeah so I figure it's better to be me than that guy.

Dreams and You

I can't talk to anyone for fear of judgement, for lack of understanding, for having a love so deep, that it is almost sacred or embarrassing depending on the day, that sharing is like ripping one's heart out with your hand.

It always starts the same way; I am stumbling along in life, thinking I am getting over it, getting over you, the idea of you, your touch, your smell, your stubble against my rosy cheek, your taste, our taste. And then …. well I dream of you; you here, you touching me, you smiling at me, you kissing me, you craving me once again.

I wake up disoriented, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I sit up and slowly come to the dark realization that you are not here, you aren't dreaming of me, you aren't. With a deep breath, I go about my monotonous existence, barely holding onto the dream. You know the one where you get a career, a boyfriend, a house, a 'real' life. My vision blurs whenever I try to contemplate what 'where I am' means, the point of it all, so to speak.

I start my day as normal, and slowly you begin to fade to the back of my mind as I repeat and design the day's tasks. Yet, you never really leave. I feel a heavy weight upon my heart that I don't remember yesterday, that dread this isn't the life I am supposed to be living.

I continue on in my day quietly but ensuring I am pleasant throughout the day so no one catches on, I make perhaps but a small mention of the dream, feign normalness and mock confusion and return to my work, and my thoughts.

You constantly remain in my head, you still own my heart, I'd be willing to buy it back at what I gave it to you for so much you take hold of my heart and soul still. I stay away from all tonight, choosing instead to be with my enclosed world, travelling towards the outdoors at just past 100 km/hr .

The music only puts me into an ever more introverted and introspective world, driving me to words, to spill my ramblings onto the white, to hope that one day, these words will help heal the void you left, because sometimes, words are all you have.

Ramblings, Energy and Belief in Dreams

I have been thinking a lot these days about energy.  More specifically how energy is drained, received, how it can be "stolen" from you, or "given" to you.  Lately, and I am not sure if this is due to some odd moon cycle or whether it is a seasonal change, but regardless I have been doing a lot of "soul-searching" if you will.  I find I am not happy; I am also not miserable; sobbing every day starting with breakfast (wouldn't it be hard to eat while sobbing little driblets of salty tears and snot into your bowl of Kashi cereal??) Anyhow, lately I find that my energy is being sucked out and replaced with other's negative rants, raves, feelings, you name it.


So I have decided to remove myself from those who drag my sunshine flavoured energy out of me and concentrate on me, making me happy, being positive, setting and achieving goals. I realized over the last few months that something needs to change, I feel my aura is not its usual and it is beginning to seep into all aspects of my life; work, friendships, family life, my love life and even into my financial life.


I realized shortly after Gramp's death, that I need to concentrate on me, on getting my Zen energy back. It seems that the last few years, my soul has slowly been sucked dry of all my youthful passion, my normal wild imagination and zestful creativity slowly seeping out the seams, until I woke up recently to discover it was gone.

So upon much soul searching over many introspective days and nights, I have decided to once again spend more time writing, reading and taking long walks gazing at all the trees and flowers and animals again. I will spend more time laughing with friends instead of worrying about foes, and will spend more time creating a home rather than trying to hold up the ship at work.


This year, my 28^th year is about me. Me alone, me as a friend, me as a sister and a daughter, me. Somehow, someway this year, I will see my dreams start to come to fruition.


 

Letters

I watched Dear John today, on one hand, a cheesy chick flick romance and on the other, a movie with an old fashioned and sweet premise. The two main characters fall in love while John is on a leave (he is in the army), he then ships back overseas and they write letters to each other.

Can love in today's world still be that patient? They wait for each other, they write. They write of life, of death, of dreams and the past. They write of love for each other. They fell in love in two weeks, they stay in love through words.

Can this perhaps teach me to be patient, to allow something to build? Rather than trying to rush to see if it works?

Has the need for instant communication, the texts, twits and status updates completely obliterated our ability to fall in love patiently through words, mostly ;)

Makes me think back to world war II, on how the women waited for their men, they made sure to fill the gap the men left at home, to encourage their men, to write and pray and hope that their men made it home, but knowing that sometimes the world means to make one wait for love. The men on the other fought bravely for their families, who thought of their women as inspiration to stay alive.

Would today's generations, those raised without massive hardships like war, or threat of war (cold war etc.), those who have never lived in ration world, or a world where most of the men in your life were shipped off to war, could we wait? Could we start a relationship and then be apart right away? Or would we leave at the "next best available " thing?

Just some random thoughts spilling out while watching a movie, what do you think?

It's a baby ..... blog!!

Sooooo, I got a fantastic idea in the bath while having a glass of wine!!
I have started a new blog, yup I am sure some of you are wondering how could I possibly keep up two, when lately, I am terrible at keeping up one!!

Well, this blog will be different!! It is all about traveling and music.

I want to base this blog on the music you hear when you travel, the music that inspires, the music that you hear when you are back from vacation, that brings you back to that moment away, where you can almost smell the place again. That song.

So soon I will send out an email, asking everyone if they would like to help. How you might ask? (Or maybe you won't!) Well, if you have traveled and have a song that meets the above or even something different but just means something to you travel wise, I will ask you to send me an email, with at least the song name, and artist, where you why and a brief sentence or two (if you want) of a memory of it.


I'd like to get all kinds of people and responses and see what comes up.

I think music is life. It brings people together, it is a source of joy, and pain. I personally could not live without it.

Anyhow, that is the start of my new project!! I am very excited to see what comes in, and of course to share my travel songs :)

I will also make it a point to research every place I go to, to see if I can find a local artist, band etc from the place I am traveling to. You never know what you might find =)

Cigar Smoke version 9.8.1.2 (part 3b)

I walk through the door and we enter an alley, one that looked just like David Copperfield must have roamed, very Dickens-ish. Cobblestones line the way between buildings, tall buildings, with smokeless chimney's adorning the roofs, the buildings long ago deserted. The old man looked fragile with his walk more like a shuffle, but he kept a very quick pace. We darted in and out of the small spaces between buildings, finally coming upon a dark green building. Paint was peeling off the boards, and the windows were all boarded up with the exception of what looked like a small attic or storage area window at the very top of the building. The glass was intact but there was a curtain drawn so no glimpses inside could be had.

"That's strange, it is almost like someone is up there watching. This area's been deserted for a few years now." I couldn't however; shake that feeling that there was someone up there and he knew who I was.

The old man looked at me,

"It isn't so strange, after all there is someone up there, and he is expecting us."

I wanted to protest, question how this man knew I was coming as well, but figured at this stage, that was pretty minor in the scale of questions. The old man opened the door, turned around and said;

"This is my boss, he'll have more answers for you, I reckon. Oh and my manners, I completely let them slip away in the haste to escape that storm. My name is Basil, pleasure to meet you."

The triviality of the introduction baffled me enough to stand and stare blankly at the so-called for a moment before coming to my senses.

"Sorry, my name is …."

"Basil!! Is that you?" The voice sounded smooth, charming almost. I once again stood there as if in a trance at the sound of this man's voice. What was it about it? Did I know him, did he know me?? I began to have doubts about why I was here. I mean after all, how does a man I apparently have never met know about my dream? A dream, I didn't even write it in my notebook.

"Yes David, and I have brought the keyseeker." Basil looked at me and smiled, "this way please, do follow me."

He started down a hallway that looked to head towards an open space artist type loft. I began to panic, this seems entirely too planned, why am I here? Could I be so stupid as to follow a stranger I have never met due to a dream where a spider of all things has foretold me as some kind of "only you can save mankind Jedi" bullshit? I mean it's not like there is law and order anymore, each for themselves, fuck how could I be so stupid.

Seeing no other choice I followed Basil down the hall, we entered through an old wooden door, thick, the paint peeling from years of use. And I'm sure the humidity doesn't help either, I thought as the sweat started to form on my neck. We walked into a round room, dark, only a single lamp lit the room. A tall and lank man stood with his back to us, facing an old style fire place, I could smell wood burning, though not quality wood. He turned around and I saw the man who apparently knew all about me. He looked oddly familiar though I couldn't place him, his face thin, about forty-five, fifty years old, beginning to age but in an elegant way. He had silver hair, neatly combed and was wearing khaki golf pants and a polo shirt and sweater.

David turned around and said, "Why hello there, I have been expecting you for some time. Welcome to my rather dreary abode."

I looked at him for a moment before answering, "How do you know who I am?"

David chuckled, then walked behind a large wooden desk that appeared to be oak or something of that tree family, and sat down.

"Oh, well I have been researching the same 9 keys you are now seeking, so I believe I have known your identity for about a year or so. And that you existed, oh for about a decade or so. It all comes down to timing, and clearly now is the time. "

"What? A year? What is this? Some kind of prank you were put up to? Did I loot somebody's store you know?"

"Oh if it only it were as simple as that. No, this comes about from a rather large obsession of mine that I stumbled across, oh about 15 years ago while researching the history of New York. It seems in the 1780's, there was a bit of a controversy surrounding the keys to the city so to speak. There were 9 officials, who went through 9 rituals or rites if you will and hid 9 keys. These keys together opened a vault, somewhere below the city. This vault contains treasures from all over the world and secrets, some say weapons that were never allowed to see the light of day for good reason, others say they are plans that hold knowledge more powerful even than the Rosetta Stone. We shall never know but legend and research tell me, that it is nothing small or the keys wouldn't have been hidden so well. They say only someone "meant" to find them will. Personally I think this to be partially true, this last part. I think in the 1700's it would have taken someone special, I say in today's world with all our tools of information, it only takes someone resourceful, someone who knows how to research if you will. That someone is me, but the tool I find I most require is you! I used to think it was just knowledge alone, but it turns out, resources are often necessary and you my friend, the keyseeker are my greatest resource!"

I could barely believe what I just heard! I apparently ended up the pinnacle of this nutjob's fantasy. All due to some dream I had, what the hell? It was time to get out of here, the world was crazier than I thought.

"Look, I think you are mistaken, it was all just a crazy dream I had. I must have seen parts of some documentary, that's all. I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Ah see, but this is where you are wrong. All the signs are there, and unfortunately for you, your permission is not needed, you will be helping me."

He said this in a determined manner, I knew he was resolved. I began to panic, there was only one way out and Basil was standing in it. I began to back away from David, and he began to laugh and said,

"Oh you are mistaken if you think you can escape, Basil grab the keyseeker, apparently this will need to be done the hard way."

I began to panic, running towards Basil hoping to knock him down when I could feel David's hands grab me, he was stronger than he looked, much stronger. I couldn't move, Basil came at me with what looked like a modern more powerful taser and a look in his eye, I found completely unnerving, un-human.

I tried to scream but found I had lost my voice and no matter how hard I tried, no sound came out. Basil grabbed my arm, placed the cold steal edge of the taser to my throat and

 

All of sudden I am upright in bed, sweat covers my body and I notice my sheets are damp and stuck to my legs. I get out of bed, walk to the window and look outside. The lights of Manhattan beam back at me, there hasn't been a war of ages, but I can't help but think. Maybe I am meant to find something out, maybe life does have a purpose for me. Nah, it was all just cigar smoke, wisping away. I begin to turn around and get back into bed, looking out the window one last time, I see a spider has appeared and is staring right at me.

Energy from having the smarts, I hear it's true!!

I was researching the job field I am trying to enter, and developing a plan on how to get there, ideas started poring out of me, faster than I could scribble (and I was furiously scribbling let me tell you!) So as I felt this renewed energy I haven't felt in a while, I realized it is because I have no challenge in my life, everything seems mundane and ordinary to me. I am bored. This new research got me excited, and it felt like I could almost feel my intelligence start to buzz up and grow! I think this made me realize that I need a change, and while I am not exactly sure what form that change is going to come in, it needs to happen.

Lately I have been doing a lot of thinking about my career and I was beginning to wonder what the point of remaining in this role for so long was. Then I realized, my role for the past 3.5 yrs, it was a stepping stone. It allowed me to see where my skills lay, I had no idea I was this numbers oriented, this analytical, this blue! I realized (especially over the last year) that I have a real talent with analytics and planning and risk management.

I look at me the last few months at work and I remind myself of me in my high school days. I knew if I half-ass tried, I would do a better job than most people do when they try and I don't mean this arrogantly but I didn't try in high school, did all my projects last minute and then got honours. So now, I am looking at my last few months at work and I see a mirror image 10 years later. It kind of shocked me.

So I have cut back on saying yes to all my time and have committed myself to learning and doing what I need to do to get what I want, because I figure why can't I? What is stopping me? If I am determined, why can't I get a better paying, more challenging job? Why can't I eventually become a contractor and take half the year off eventually? Why can't I travel and write and make money from that? People do it! People get what they want! How did someone become a millionaire? They didn't sit on their asses and hope just maybe the would be rich, no, they knew they could.

 

So watch out world, and as a good friend said, I am going to hurricane my intelligence (like my other friend did!) You two are jewels in my world ocean by the way J