I can't talk to anyone for fear of judgement, for lack of understanding, for having a love so deep, that it is almost sacred or embarrassing depending on the day, that sharing is like ripping one's heart out with your hand.
It always starts the same way; I am stumbling along in life, thinking I am getting over it, getting over you, the idea of you, your touch, your smell, your stubble against my rosy cheek, your taste, our taste. And then …. well I dream of you; you here, you touching me, you smiling at me, you kissing me, you craving me once again.
I wake up disoriented, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I sit up and slowly come to the dark realization that you are not here, you aren't dreaming of me, you aren't. With a deep breath, I go about my monotonous existence, barely holding onto the dream. You know the one where you get a career, a boyfriend, a house, a 'real' life. My vision blurs whenever I try to contemplate what 'where I am' means, the point of it all, so to speak.
I start my day as normal, and slowly you begin to fade to the back of my mind as I repeat and design the day's tasks. Yet, you never really leave. I feel a heavy weight upon my heart that I don't remember yesterday, that dread this isn't the life I am supposed to be living.
I continue on in my day quietly but ensuring I am pleasant throughout the day so no one catches on, I make perhaps but a small mention of the dream, feign normalness and mock confusion and return to my work, and my thoughts.
You constantly remain in my head, you still own my heart, I'd be willing to buy it back at what I gave it to you for so much you take hold of my heart and soul still. I stay away from all tonight, choosing instead to be with my enclosed world, travelling towards the outdoors at just past 100 km/hr .
The music only puts me into an ever more introverted and introspective world, driving me to words, to spill my ramblings onto the white, to hope that one day, these words will help heal the void you left, because sometimes, words are all you have.
It always starts the same way; I am stumbling along in life, thinking I am getting over it, getting over you, the idea of you, your touch, your smell, your stubble against my rosy cheek, your taste, our taste. And then …. well I dream of you; you here, you touching me, you smiling at me, you kissing me, you craving me once again.
I wake up disoriented, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I sit up and slowly come to the dark realization that you are not here, you aren't dreaming of me, you aren't. With a deep breath, I go about my monotonous existence, barely holding onto the dream. You know the one where you get a career, a boyfriend, a house, a 'real' life. My vision blurs whenever I try to contemplate what 'where I am' means, the point of it all, so to speak.
I start my day as normal, and slowly you begin to fade to the back of my mind as I repeat and design the day's tasks. Yet, you never really leave. I feel a heavy weight upon my heart that I don't remember yesterday, that dread this isn't the life I am supposed to be living.
I continue on in my day quietly but ensuring I am pleasant throughout the day so no one catches on, I make perhaps but a small mention of the dream, feign normalness and mock confusion and return to my work, and my thoughts.
You constantly remain in my head, you still own my heart, I'd be willing to buy it back at what I gave it to you for so much you take hold of my heart and soul still. I stay away from all tonight, choosing instead to be with my enclosed world, travelling towards the outdoors at just past 100 km/hr .
The music only puts me into an ever more introverted and introspective world, driving me to words, to spill my ramblings onto the white, to hope that one day, these words will help heal the void you left, because sometimes, words are all you have.
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