The sky is dark still, I can see the lights of humanity shine in the distance at this hour.
They show me more than your eyes,
The distance increasing with every word I attempt to use for comfort,
Like that childhood blanket, covering you from all the evils of the world.
I struggle to grasp control of my thoughts,
Emotions swirling – I constantly feel my body go numb,
Always waiting for the hammer to drop – I wait for the pills to kick in.
This compulsive discrimination to never have unknowns,
Always concrete – yet the grey is a paradox in my mind.
Eons, it felt like eons and then it all changed.
A split second and the world’s colours were no longer true to my memories.
The bricks began to crumble, slowly as if to not engage my attention.
Until it was too late, the wall was torn down.
And now – now there is no chance to build up again before I am seen.
I sit here enveloped in familiar sights and sounds,
The edge begins to finally dull, the strong glare no more.
The cacophony ebbs away into the darker corners of my mind.
Intense cravings for silence in matters of the heart,
I begin to cave inward as always and start to tremor.
A skittering deer in the headlights, my heart aches with the uncertainty.
For I know that I cannot, will not settle for silver,
I must grab the reins again, and allow myself to breath once more.
Only then will I be able to accept my vulnerability when he looks upon me.
