Am I the new Scotch? - October 14, 2009

Maybe I'm like a scotch. I'm not that cooler or cheap beer that everyone is drawn to, but that doesn't have substance. Men seem to be drawn to me at first, they think they can handle me, they smell me, swirl me around in their glass for a moment, try me, and then decide that, well, perhaps this isn't for them after all. Back to their "cheap beer." Do they come back later on? When they've realized that substance as well as the physical attributes are what makes an excellent drink and/or partner. The smoky taste, the strong yet enthralling aroma, a mature, and intelligent drink/person. A lasting and fulfilling relationship. That small difference enough to pay hundreds of dollars more for, enough to realize that beneath a hard exterior, there is a subtle taste that continues to linger on the edge of your senses, always calling you back for more.

Nafarious Pesky Mean Spirited Wasps - October 08, 2009

Well some might say I have an illogical fear of wasps. This is an understatement. I am absolutely petrified in the most illogical way of wasps. Yes, I do understand that I many times larger than a wasp, that I could "swat" them away (if I didn't believe this would infuriate the wasp to the point of an evil revenge style attack on me) and that even if I got stung (like that sounds even remotely OK) that I would survive as I have no allergies to wasps. I understand all this in the logical portion of my brain, HOWEVER, this does not even have a connection to the emotional, freak-out part of my brain. So here I am, 27 years on this earth, still terrified like a little school girl of wasps (and they are actually probably less terrified than me, both the aforementioned school girl and the wasps.)

An example of my ongoing battle with the wasps was a few days ago. I got home and was talking to my roommate when I noticed this evil little creature buzzing at the window by where her son's highchair was. I just about fainted and had a big uhm ah, yeah, uhm you need to, (insert sound of ferocious, angry buzzing) ack!!!!! Kill the ....eeeeep .... wasp.

So being the brave soul that I am, I ran to the other side of the kitchen and tryed to get my mind to stop FREAKING out and think of a plan!! Meanwhile, my roommate who is also not really a large fan of the angry buggers, is also trying to remain calm while her 2yr old is 189% braver than either of us and is pointing at it "What's that??"

So we wheeled her 1yr old and his highchair to the other side of the kitchen, attempt to move the 2yr old to a location somewhat far from the wasp, though to be honest, he looked quite a bit more calm than both me and the roomie put together.

We then devised a contraption to hold the malevolent creature in it's place until we can figure out how to remove him from the premise's (do we ever think of wasps as she's? I sure don't for some reason, hmmm.)

This is what we came up with:

You can actually see him all vile and large and trying to sting the window in contempt of his newfound prison!!

We then slipped a very thing cutting board under the contraption and hucked the device and it's vile prisoner outside and ran with a vengeance to the inside and proceeded to drink copious amounts of red wine!!!

PS What is the with the Wasp Woman at the top of the post? A Beautiful Woman by day, a Lusting Queen wasp by night? WTF!!! RIGHT?

Selfish - September 22, 2209

Selfish: arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others selfish act>

Now this is the definition of Selfish according to Mirriam-Webster. This being said, I disagree with the or portion. Selfish technically is more arising from concern with one's own welfare. The advantage in disregard of others could arise from trying to satisfy one's selfish needs in the way one goes about it. I was hungry at lunch, I ate food, that was a selfish act as it was concerned with my own welfare. Did I eat in disregard of other's? You got it, no. Now I know you could say, there are starving children in Africa, yes there are. Does it make me a horrible person that I ate lunch? No. Would someone in Africa have eaten my perogies given the chance? Probably yes, but that still doesn't make me a bad person eating food in disregard of other's.

Back to the word selfish. It has become in modern society a word that has moral and ethical implications when in fact, it really isn't a moral issue at all. Humans and animals (hell I imagine all living creatures) look out for themselves, it is called survival. Even flowers will push past each other to get to the sun first. I saw it in Spain everyday, and it actually made the world a more beautiful place, seeing the flowers blooming everywhere and up high.

It is in how you go about surviving if you will, that adds the moral aspect to the word. Looking out for yourself should not be considered a bad thing. One needs to take care of number one. If everyone spent all their time making sure each other was ok and not themselves, the world would fall apart.

One last question then? If one does a good deed for someone and it makes them feel good, does that then make that person selfish and looking out for themselves at the cost of another? I mean they benefited from the good deed. You might even say they were concerned with their own welfare as helping people out tends to make you feel better about yourself?

Anyhow, that was my ramble, food for thought today!

Charity begins at home, right?!

Memories - September 2, 2009

So I've been thinking a lot about the past. Memories, memories of memories, wishing I was living those memories. Not any particular time frame, it's all time frames, anything I now long for, miss, ache for.

The loving touch moments, the sexy moments, the crazy good times with friends moments, the laugh so hard you just about pee (or maybe you do, who am I to judge) moments.

Why am so nostalgic, so drippingly pathetic about missing the good times? Perhaps tonight I realize, there just aren't that many good moments this past bit. And that something needs to change, I need to change something. What?? Well if you know, how bout letting me know? Ha.

Lil One

Pic to be posted later once home
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

Painful Writing

I find writing these days almost painful, like I am squeezing part of my life out through my pores. It used to be quite easy, words and thoughts almost pouring out too fast, my fingers couldn't keep up.

What do you think? Does writing get harder as one gets older or do our standards just get higher??

Ranting Myself into a Void - August 26, 2009

I feel like I am in the middle of a life shift. People are leaving my life, I am forcing some out and I am left in the void between. I wander around this life with a purpose, at least a purpose that the world thinks is right if you will, but lately it doesn't feel like it's my purpose. I feel these days that there is more to life than working, paying debt, working, paying more debt, paying car payments, phone bills, credit card bills, the taxman, working, sleep. Repeat.

Is there something more to life than this?? I took a drive today to a provincial park and took a short walk and watched the sunset. I felt content in the moments preceding the sunset and wondered aloud to myself if we could even live simply again if we tried?

The world is so complex now, so connected. Have you ever ignored or turned off your phone for more than 24hrs and not been asked "Where were you? What were you doing? I couldn't reach you. Why didn't you call me? etc. etc."

We are so connected today that I believe we are losing touch as human beings in relation to each other. We talk for hours texting, emailing, facebooking etc., that we lose touch, literally.

Sometimes I just feel like I am falling. But into a void, no crash landing to break my bones or take my life, just floating aimlessly with an an apparent aim through the void our modern life has caused.

And yes I know this is somewhat hypocritical considering I am a large 'geek' if you will. With my iPod, my laptop, my xbox etc. but I just feel like it needs to take a backseat to the simple pleasures. How many people read almost daily? Weekly even? Besides websites, magazines and work related material? How many read for the pure joy of a story? Not even 100 years ago, this was one of the main forms of entertainment and now most people are proud that they haven't read a book in years. How sad I feel for them? Not knowing the pure joy of being sucked into a world that is not your own, standing beside strong protagonists fighting their battles, mental or physical. Drifting out of 2009 and into 1943 or 1867 or even as far back as 100 B.C.

I realize there was no real thread or theme to this post, just a bunch of discontent mumblings trying to piece together why it is that I feel so apathetic, so lost, so loathe to take part at times. What is it that gives me my drive? What gives you yours? What makes the world a happier place? Can the world be a happier place?

I end my rambling, incoherent post with lyrics from Dave Matthews:

Sometimes I feel like I'm falling
Fall back again, fall back again,
Fall back again, fall back again

Oh, life it seems a struggle between
what we see and what we do
Well I'm not going to change my ways
just to please you or appease you
Inside a crowd, five billion proud
willing to punch it out
Right, wrong, weak, strong
ashes to ashes all fall down
Look around about this round about
this merry-go-round and around
Well If at all God's gaze upon us falls
it's with a mischievous grin, look at him

Forget about the reasons and
the treasons we are seeking
Forget about the notion that
our emotions can be swept away
Forget about being guilty
we are innocent instead
For soon we will all find our lives swept away

Late at night with TV's hungry child
his belly swells
Well, for the price of a coke or a smoke
I could keep alive those hungry eyes
Man, take a look again, take a look again
Eveyday things change
Basically they stay the same


Forget about the reasons and
the treasons we are seeking
Forget about the notion that
our emotions can be kept at bay
Forget about being guilty
we are innocent instead
For soon we will all find our lives swept away

You seek up an emotion
and your cup is overflowing
You seek up on emotion,
sometimes your well is dry
You seek up a big monster
for him to fight your wars for you
But when he finds his way to you, the devil's not
going, "Ha ha, ha ha"

(Say, oh say)

Oh look at me in my fancy car
and my bank account
Oh, how I wish I could take it all down
into my grave, God knows I'd save and save
Man, take a look again, take a look again
things you have collected, well in the end piles up
to one big nothing, one big nothing at all

Forget about the reasons and
the treasons we are seeking
Forget about the notion that
our emotions can be swept away
Intentions are not wicked, don't be tricked into thinking so
And soon we will all find our lives swept away

You seek up an emotion
and your cup is overflowing
You seek up an emotion,
sometimes your well is dry
You seek up a big monster
for him to fight your wars for you
But when he finds his way to you, the devil's not
going, "Ha ha, ha ha"

Fall back again, fall back again
Fall back again, fall back again

Maybe "A Friend in need is a friend indeed, a friend with weed is better ... " - August 19, 2009

Ever notice how when you are down in the doldrums, depressed and need a friend, a friend will generally want to be there (I say want loosely but that's another topic for another day ha) but if you are happy and just want to shout it out to the world or tell your friends, more would be less inclined to be there than inclined to it seems.Maybe it is like there is nothing to gain from it, or maybe it's the "well she/he/they are happy right now, not like they need me thought. Maybe it's a conscience thought, maybe not? Maybe I am way off base, BUT maybe there is a little truth to it?? Just saying ...


So with this thought in my head, I head off to the shower (as I just played soccer and am definitely not getting into bed in the condition I am in) and am about to clean my feet as the aforementioned soccer had well, they aren't clean let's say ha, and I notice that the bar in which you hold onto for your safety in the shower, is way low!! And let's face it, I am clearly not tall, not ever could you confuse me as such, so if I say it's too low, most people probably couldn't reach it without actually making the whole standing on a slippery service with water and soap (which well doesn't add grip) less safe. (See below picture, the shampoos etc. are about 3 inches below my shoulder. I now have a back spasm I partially blame on the shower. And let's face it, a lot blame on the Ultimate Frisbee last night plus 80mins of soccer tonight.)



I mean what gives??

- Lil One