Batman had a dual personality problem too ya know

I know, I know! I haven't exactly done 30 days all in a row. BUT I still will post 30 I promise, hopefully before 2010!!

I feel like Bruce Wayne torn between two paths in life, two faces, two sides, two groups of close confidantes. If I reveal my two sides to any one person, life becomes more difficult, harder, less good even. So like Batman hurt in his more personal side of life, I retreat, become almost hermit like. Ironic even, because it is now that I live in a small, cramped and particularly "cold" cave.

Why this sudden dramatic take on my life you ask? Simply, I have no fucking idea!!! It comes and it goes, waves crashing down on my shores, and more than often these days, taking me out. I come back up always later, and the I am fine and dandy and then out of nowhere, CRASH and it of course being a wave!!

So lately I have been trying to make the wave's job harder. Sooooo ... I have been trying to take control of my life, one area in particular: Not feeling like I have to say yes

This afternoon:

I realized that I took control in a small area and it made me feel kinda proud, happy. You see, I am off every second Friday and on this last particular Friday I checked my work email from home. I saw that a colleague, whom I get along with just fine, and like for sure, had asked a favour. It was not an urgent favour nor one that could not be performed by at least two others in the department. Had this been a month ago, I would have gone and got my fob, logged into the program from home and helped. But this past Friday, nope I sure did not go and get my fob, no siree, (always wanted to post no siree) I said: sorry I am off work, gave two names that could assist and then proceeded to log off.

I realize that this seems like slow progress but it is progress nonetheless so I suppose I should be happy and see this as positive. Hard for an impatient crab such as me!

Later the same day....

Then I am home and searching Facebook and see a status that makes me smile and then makes me sad at the same time. I won't say too much on a public forum, just that I miss the "old days" a bit and I KNOW I need to move on, and I am (slowly) but it still hurts, still makes me feel sad, lonely, like I lost my best friend.

I am not sure why I felt the need to discuss my Batman-esque moods of the day. Perhaps it was the need to let my emotions loose, their waves of energy flying into the screen and instead of into my soul, perhaps I can let go, at least start to anyhow, through my words, whether they be on this flat screen staring me back in the face, or in my almond coloured, beautifully soft journal. They could be the start to a healing process.

Day 3 - When words fail, music speaks

Ah music!! The love of my life!! Those who know me, know that I live and die for music, live, on my iPod, in the car, at work, at home!! Ah, though I must admit, my favorite place to listen to music, is laying on my beach chair, the gorgeous almost surreal Waikiki sun in the air, the sand swirled in and amidst my toes. The volume on my iPod just high enough to hear the music, so that the sound of the surf, and that happy buzz of sound that you really only hear in places such as beaches, is not blocked out.

Ah but I digress! And as I am tired tonight and wish to head to bed with my music in tow, I leave you with some quotes. Which for music were very hard to pick, it was like I was a child going through all these new toys after Christmas deciding which ones to play with first and there were so many good ones that you just couldn't pick and would be wracked with indecision, finally to pick one and wish you had started playing with another one first because well there were so many good things??

Well this is how reading about music (and listening to it at times) feels for me. So many good quotes that resonate so well within, but I put the blindfold on, spun around 3 times and picked and here they are (*ahem* drumroll please .....)


"It occurred to me by intuition, and music was the driving force behind that intuition. My discovery was the result of musical perception." (When asked about his theory of relativity) - Albert Einstein

Music is the hardest kind of art. It doesn't hang up on a wall and wait to be stared at and enjoyed by passersby. It's communication. It's hours and hours being put into a work of art that may only last, in reality, for a few moments...but if done well, and truly appreciated, it lasts in our hearts forever. That's art. Speaking with your heart to the hearts of others. ~Mr. Dan Romano

"Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, a charm to sadness, gaiety and life to everything. It is the essence of order and lends to all that is good and just and beautiful." ~ Plato

AND THE TRUEST OF ALL: "Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." -Red Auerbach

Day 2 "In a perfect world, every dog would have a home and every home would have a dog."

Well what is there to say really?? I guess I will talk about my dog, make sense right?? Ha!! Well my dog, Gracie, she is 13 now and still going strong though deaf. The irony of my dog being deaf!!! I believe she actually is using this to her advantage. You see my dog was always a well-trained, well-behaved dog. One of the best and I truly am not just saying that BUT then she started to get old and now she is deaf, so she begs a retarded amount!!! Stares so intently, innocently at you but you just know she is plotting her quest to food scraps. And now seeing as she is deaf, she can't hear you yelling at her to get out of the kitchen, stop begging, go to your room!! (Yes she has her own room, which if a person she is not too familiar with enters, she will follow the person and sit in there until they leave.)

But we make do, her and I, you see I figure since I have horrible hearing and awful ears, we have a new bond, the dog and I. We have developed this sign language (I did already teach her hand signals when she was a puppy, things such as; sit, lie down, stay etc.) and she now knows when to scram, when to stay, though I have to admit that for obvious reasons, come here is still a challenge since you need to call her when she is out of eye sight, but alas, life hands my pup and I lemons, we make some damn lemonade (maybe a wee splash of tequila haha!)

Oh the memories dog, the batteries you loved to eat, the soap bubbles you loved to lick, the loyal as ever, excited everytime to see you no matter how the day was!!!

Ah but I figure she was so good and well she's old, I mean she is 91 after all!! So she can beg all she wants, sleep all she wants, be loved all she wants and well have her moments of frustration (she has little pig sounding snorty noises when the little dog bugs her or she doesnt want to stay when you tell her) all she wants!!

So yeah I guess that ramble advised you that ..... yup you got it, Today's I Love .... About Life says that today, (and everyday) I LOVE my damn dog!!! Not going to lie, she is pretty rad, yup!!

To Gracie my puppy!! May you live a few years longer in health my puppers!!

And I leave you with two dog quotes:

"If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater. . . suggest that he wear a tail." - Fran Lebowitz

"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot little puppies." - Gene Hill

Day 1 - Reading is sometimes an ingenious device for avoiding thought.

The Things I Love About Life Project (for now, though a better name shall be created) has begun. 30 Days and so 30 Things I Love About Life.

Quote in title from Arthur Helps

Day 1: Reading

Ah reading, what can I say about reading that won't make it feel cheesy, trite or gasp, lame! Well, probably nothing but write on I shall. I love how nothing but a good story encased between between two covers can whisk you away from life and into the protagonist's so quickly. The way an author can tailor the plot so as to so immerse you with his words in worlds of fantasy, crime, dragons and forests, love and history. The list goes on and on.

“To read a writer is for me not merely to get an idea of what he says, but to go off with him and travel in his company.” - Andre Gide

I would be at a loss in life if I were unable to read the stories upon which I devote some much time and energy. And in return, I gain a peace, a peace that comes from knowledge, from experience, the satisfaction that only a good story can really give.

“To read is to fly: it is to soar to a point of vantage which gives a view over wide terrains of history, human variety, ideas, shared experience and the fruits of many inquiries.” - A.C. Grayling

Julia squared, cooking and lemons

I am watching Julia and Julia and it inspired me to stop denying my lack of inspiration in regards to my writing, so here I am. Sunday morning, a fresh cup of coffee beside me, legs under my very warm and cozy blankets writing on my laptop. I admit, my writing today is lacking zest, but I at least have a purpose here today!!

I have a new project!! For one month, I am going to find one thing I love about life and post it (with an accompanying photo of course) on my blog.

Why am I doing this you might ask? Well simply because I think I need help remembering that even though there seems to be lemons in life frequently, quite often if you just look a little past that dancing lemon taunting you (well at least my lemon dances while he taunts, not sure what your lemons may or may not do), anyhow, if you just look past the bugger, there is always a bottle of tequila waiting to help you through those lemons. ;)

- Lil One

Am I the new Scotch? - October 14, 2009

Maybe I'm like a scotch. I'm not that cooler or cheap beer that everyone is drawn to, but that doesn't have substance. Men seem to be drawn to me at first, they think they can handle me, they smell me, swirl me around in their glass for a moment, try me, and then decide that, well, perhaps this isn't for them after all. Back to their "cheap beer." Do they come back later on? When they've realized that substance as well as the physical attributes are what makes an excellent drink and/or partner. The smoky taste, the strong yet enthralling aroma, a mature, and intelligent drink/person. A lasting and fulfilling relationship. That small difference enough to pay hundreds of dollars more for, enough to realize that beneath a hard exterior, there is a subtle taste that continues to linger on the edge of your senses, always calling you back for more.

Nafarious Pesky Mean Spirited Wasps - October 08, 2009

Well some might say I have an illogical fear of wasps. This is an understatement. I am absolutely petrified in the most illogical way of wasps. Yes, I do understand that I many times larger than a wasp, that I could "swat" them away (if I didn't believe this would infuriate the wasp to the point of an evil revenge style attack on me) and that even if I got stung (like that sounds even remotely OK) that I would survive as I have no allergies to wasps. I understand all this in the logical portion of my brain, HOWEVER, this does not even have a connection to the emotional, freak-out part of my brain. So here I am, 27 years on this earth, still terrified like a little school girl of wasps (and they are actually probably less terrified than me, both the aforementioned school girl and the wasps.)

An example of my ongoing battle with the wasps was a few days ago. I got home and was talking to my roommate when I noticed this evil little creature buzzing at the window by where her son's highchair was. I just about fainted and had a big uhm ah, yeah, uhm you need to, (insert sound of ferocious, angry buzzing) ack!!!!! Kill the ....eeeeep .... wasp.

So being the brave soul that I am, I ran to the other side of the kitchen and tryed to get my mind to stop FREAKING out and think of a plan!! Meanwhile, my roommate who is also not really a large fan of the angry buggers, is also trying to remain calm while her 2yr old is 189% braver than either of us and is pointing at it "What's that??"

So we wheeled her 1yr old and his highchair to the other side of the kitchen, attempt to move the 2yr old to a location somewhat far from the wasp, though to be honest, he looked quite a bit more calm than both me and the roomie put together.

We then devised a contraption to hold the malevolent creature in it's place until we can figure out how to remove him from the premise's (do we ever think of wasps as she's? I sure don't for some reason, hmmm.)

This is what we came up with:

You can actually see him all vile and large and trying to sting the window in contempt of his newfound prison!!

We then slipped a very thing cutting board under the contraption and hucked the device and it's vile prisoner outside and ran with a vengeance to the inside and proceeded to drink copious amounts of red wine!!!

PS What is the with the Wasp Woman at the top of the post? A Beautiful Woman by day, a Lusting Queen wasp by night? WTF!!! RIGHT?